11 shots

I realize that the pens actually somehow managed to score a goal near the end of this San Jose debacle, but i can't help but think about how this team's performance reminded me a lot of those last few games Ed Olczyk ever coached....just sayin....

BACK FROM THE DEAD

Well well well, we're back and no one cares cause no one reads this blog. But, if you do read this blog (doubtful) and you were wondering where all of the great posts have gone,(more doubtful) I'll catch you up. For the past three weeks I've been in God's country. That's right, Prince Edward Island. Pursuing my life-long dream of playing in the QMJHL. It was a long three weeks of training with the P.E.I. Rocket. Most of my time was spent on the ice, learning how to skate. I picked it up pretty quickly, and by the 8th day I could skate in a straight line for about 15 feet. It was, to put it mildly, fucking rad. Next up I had to focus on my deking. To do this, I spent twenty-four straight hours playing NHL 94 on Sega. I was the Jets, of course, and my plan was to just skate around with Teemu Selanne and possess the puck while making the sickest dekes that NHL 94 will allow. Just playing game after game, practicing deke after deke, and taking very concise notes. Studying the game in its purest form. The next morning I hit the ice full of enthusiasm, but my dreams were quickly crushed. Not one of the dekes that Sega and Teemu taught me seemed to work. Not left, right, left, right. Nor right, left, right, left. Not the wrap around. Hell, not even the always trusty skate right at the goalpost and run into it without shooting the puck. I was devastated, and my dream of wearing the PEI Rocket sweater this year came to an end. Coach took me in his office, told me I had more heart than the 89 Flames, but "zero fucking talent", "not to mention you can't skate for shit." What an asshole. Go Acadie-Bathurst Titan!

You see, Here at Sports Is My Girlfriend, we pursue our dreams. We have better things to do than write about every fucking Steelers game. We're role models, we're out there giving it our all 110% of the time. But, since my dreams are now crushed, I guess it's back to writing about the Steelers. Thank Ditka hockey season has started! Go pens.
Hercules Rockafeller may or may not be back in the recent future. He too is pursing his dream (role model) (heart of a champion). For two weeks he's been deep in the Azores training to become a professional submarine racer. Godspeed!

POWERBAIT

Best Predator Blog (Nashville or not Nashville related) on the net(Expendable Asset)

Faith in Tomlin(Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies)

Awesome sports nerd database shit SQL Wizard

EXPAND YOUR FUCKING HORIZONS

Random Penguins Preview 1A

Brooks Orpik needs to be the new alternate captain on this team. If he plays with half the intensity he did during "the shift" he will easily be the most intense player in the league. The Civic arena glass will need replaced once a game with all the fans rushing down to pound on it. Jeff "Mr Hockey" Taffe needs to make this team, he showed a lot in a limited role last season and would make a great center on the 4th line being flanked by Pesonen and Kennedy. Shit, thats a goddamn 1st line on the Islanders or Leafs. Id like to give a better preseason report, but FSN Pittsburgh finally got their act together and started showing Shippensburg University football game reruns, and naturally, that supercedes hockey. Lucky for Potash and the boys down at FSN, Gary Roberts no longer resides within striking distance of their north shore studios, because rest assured, if he did, those ass clowns would be drowning in pools of their own blood if they even considered not showing a pens game.

"SOFF"

The Steelers offensive line is "soffer" than the pens 03' PK unit. Kendall Simmons is not good. Willie Colon is maybe the worst pass protecting tackle in the league. The smaller faster defensive line of the Eagles made the O-line look stupid. Ben went down more times than the Pens Patrol girls went down on Bugsy last year. Aside from the pitiful performance, that game was boring. I thought the Browns game reached the pinnacle of boring football, but yesterdays game proved me wrong. Nothing was working for the running game, and Ben didn't seem to be able to make any of his 'hot' reads to counter the always blitzing Eagles defense.

The Steelers secondary plays "soffer" than Peter Sykora. They're constantly playing a very loose cover three hoping that the quarterback is pressured into making a bad throw. It's not a personnel issue, it's a play calling issue. I understand the scheme and logic behind playing it. But, when you're not getting pressure on the QB, you can get picked apart. Now, the "soff" scheming is certainly not the reason why they lost the game to the Eagles. It is, however, the reason that this team isn't going to win a playoff game. Mcnabb didn't have a huge game, but he did seem to just sit back and make all the throws he had to. On the bright side, Bryant McFadden has played great in the wake of DeShea being out the last two weeks. Polamalu, I'll be the first to admit, has played phenomenally. Ike Taylor has the speed and agility to be a true cover corner that I think could thrive in a more man coverage oriented scheme. I guess we'll have to wait until grandpa Lebeau retires to see if a different defensive scheme would show the true coverage ability of some of these players. The Steelers are not as bad as they played yesterday, but they're also not as good as they played against Houston. The Eagles gave every other team the Steelers play this year a blueprint on how to beat them; Blitz everyone. Good thing this division is a joke.

2-0

It was pretty tough making it through that whole Steeler game last night. Luckily Tru-TV was airing some pretty sweet episodes of "Most Shocking" and "Most Daring". These shows are really TV at its finest, awesome car wrecks, criminals getting busted and people getting hit by cars. The slop fest Sunday night really didn't have as much action, but the Steelers picked up a solid division win. During the parts of the game I watched intently (mostly while forensic files was on Tru-TV) Its pretty obvious that Holmes and Roethlisberger are both upper eschilon players at their positions. Its also apparent that someone who knows how to catch be put on these special teams units. That botched kickoff was more embarassing than a middle school slow-dance boner. The defense showed up too, Troy Polamalu played one of his better games getting a pick and flying around like a lunatic even though sometimes he was nowhere near the ball. Penguins preview shit starts this week, as does training camp. Party on.

Cause For Concern?

Ben has not thrown a pass all week, and he didn't take one snap in the fourth quarter last week in the win over Houston. I'm guessing that Ben is a bit more hurt than the team would like to let on. If he can't play the entire game on Sunday, or worse yet he doesn't play at all, the Steelers may lose a game that everyone seems to have already marked down in the win column. This game just seems like a typical instance where the Steelers and the whole city are so sure of a win that a let down is almost a sure thing. I wouldn't underestimate the Browns as the local media seems to be doing. That being said, the Browns defense, aside from their D-line, is pitiful. Their secondary may be the worst in the AFC. Ben will probably play and throw 5 TD's. Steelers win 55-2.

Steelers Special Teams Preview

Jeff Reed will continue to get drunk, attend Penguin games, take pictures of his penis, and kick the occasional field goal. Mitch Berger will spend the year wishing he was Reggie Roby.

Steelers Defensive Preview

D-Line-

The good news is that Aaron Smith looks to be healthy and ready to return to his dominant form. This teams run defense suddenly became atrocious last year when Smith went down. It's my contention that Mr. Smith is not only this teams most important player in stopping the run, but it's most important overall. Laugh if you want, but who would you argue is better at his position on this team? ( if you're thinking Polamalu you're dumb) Casey Hampton is fatter and older than ever. He had a very average year at best in 07'. We'll see if he can return to form, or if hes on the down slope of his career (more than likely). Brett Keisel was the biggest disappointment on this team last year. All preseason we were told about how Keisel was gonna be this "rover" type player. "We can move him all over the field and he's just gonna play havoc on opposing teams" Blah Blah Blah. Maybe I missed all the "big" plays Keisel made last year, or maybe he's just what the Steelers thought he was when they drafted him, a serviceable lumberjack that can be a marginal 3-4 D-end on an above average defense. Zing! It's also important to note that the depth on the line is worse than the Pirates pitching depth in the minor leagues. So, if anyone goes down lookout.


Linebackers-

Linebacker is definitely the strength of this defense once again. Tomlins greatest move as Steelers head coach thus far has been the selection of Timmons and Woodley first and second overall in the 07' draft. LaMarr Woodley had 4 sacks (tied for third on the team) (sad) in very limited playing time last year. He's poised to have a breakout year as a full time starter. We'll see if he can adequately take over for the now departed, no doubt first ballot hall of famer Clark Haggans. ( I've heard that when he retires they're going to waive the waiting period, ya know, like they did for Mario). The other OLB position is even more solid with returning starter/beast/pro-bowler/domestic disputer James Harrison. Harrison is the craziest man in a helmet on Sundays and he should have another pro-bowl year. In the middle you've got James Farrior who's just signed an extension which I admit seems a bit odd for a 33 year old middle linebacker. But, its a cap friendly deal that looks like its purpose is to reward him for the great seasons he's had in the black and gold (almost won defensive player of the year in 04') and for being this defenses leader on the field and a gentleman off it. He deserves it, and he should be nothing short of very solid once again. The second inside spot is all Lawrence Timmons for the taking. I know Foote will start the year at this spot with Timmons rotating in, but I don't see him starting past the bye week. Foote is a serviceable linebacker, and he's certainly over achieved during his career here in Pittsburgh, but its obvious that Timmons has the pedigree to be great. It was clear through 4 preseason games that Timmons is far superior in pass coverage, and he has the speed to get to the quarterback.

Defensive Backs-

This teams defensive backfield is a bit of an enigma. It's hard to judge the actually man coverage ability of the corners when they're constantly playing a soft cover three. Shoeless Ike Taylor will again be this teams #1 corner. Ike has shown flashes of being a solid corner, but inconsistency and hands of stone have found him wading in mediocrity. Deshea Townsend is ,to every ones amazement, probably the most consistent of the cornerbacks. He plays smart, is a great tackler, and while he doesn't have top end speed, he has the ability to "shave steps" which allows him to make plays on the ball. We're all still waiting for Bryant McFadden to validate his being a second round draft pick in 2005. He was all but handed the #2 job in training camp last year, yet he couldn't outplay Deshea. I suppose he's an average nickleback, but a second round pick shouldn't be a nickleback in his 4th year. William Gay showed good instincts last year and is a good option as the fourth corner. He could find himself moving up the depth chart sooner rather than later. Led by yinzer favorite Troy Polamalu, the safeties are an above average group. I don't mean to downplay Troy's ability, but hes certainly overrated by both the local and national media. He's a phenomenal athlete but he's too often out of position and looking to make the big hit instead of just making a tackle. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he returned to his form of a few years ago. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if he was hurt by week 3 and played sporadically the rest of the year. Ryan Clark is also solid at the free spot. He, like Deshea is a surprise starter playing in front of a second round Bill Cowher pick that hasn't lived up to the billing (read Anthony Smith). How many shitty second round picks can you make? Clark shows the ability to cover up for Troy when he's being Troy (read out of position). Ty Carter has the ability to back up both safety positions. Anthony Smith should back up Polamalu as he seems completely clueless when playing free safety and his want to always make a big hit would fit in perfectly behind Troy.

Overall-

This defense is still above average and should be in the top 12 in both statistical categories. It's an aging defense, and no matter what happens this season, they must address the depth issues on the line next off season and take a look at upgrading at corner. I'll say 9-6-1 this year which will be enough to win the worst division in the AFC. Probably a home loss in the wild card round to, oh I dunno, Jacksonville.

Steelers Offensive Preview

Quarterback-

It is still my contention that if Big Ben had played well in the Super Bowl, people would talk about him the way they talk about the likes of Brady and Manning. A top 3 QB who is a sure fire first ballot hall of famer. Instead, the memory of that game clouds some peoples minds. Still, in 4 seasons, the man has won a Super Bowl, led a team to a 15-1 record, had a 32 TD season, and racked up over 11,000 yards passing. He is the least of this team's concerns, and is poised for another 30 TD, 3000 yard season. The backups on the other hand may be a different story. The stability is gone with Batch on IR, so we get two first year Steelers. First, Byron Leftwich, who struggled on a bad Atlanta team last year after being cut by the Jags will be Ben's predominant backup. Not that he's a horrible player, but the less we see of him the better. The third QB job belongs to rookie Dennis Dixon. Hopefully the inexperienced Dixon will never be forced into any actual QB duty. A slash role would be a Perfect fit for a pure athlete such as himself. Lets see if Arians has the stones to use him the way he should.

Wide Reciever-

Santonio Holmes is the new number 1 on this team. He is an electric player who has the opportunity and talent to have a pro-bowl season. 1,000 yards and 10 touchdowns should be easily attainable. Whiney Hines Ward will attempt to catch a few passes this year. That is, when he isn't complaining about having to go to too many practices, thinking about holding out, or wishing it was still 2002. I hope he proves me wrong, but he is a borderline number 2 wideout at this point of his career. If Nate Washington or Limas Sweed would step up and make some big catches, they could start to push Hines out of the starting lineup. Doubt that will happen this year though. Maybe 09 will be the year of Sweed.

Tight End-

Heath Miller and Matt "Outer" Spaeth are both underrated tight ends in this league. And to quote every Steeler fan and analyst over the past 18 years, THROW THEM THE BALL MORE. These 2 need to see more balls than the umpire in the last game Rick Ankiel pitched.

Running Back-

Unless Rashard Mendenhall decides to end his career as a Leon Lett impersonator, Willie Parker Needs to see a strong majority of the carries this year. Parker is still a dependent back with an explosive burst who can still be a feature back in this offense. Mendenhall has talent, and could turn out to be a stud, but it would be unwise to force him in untill he is fully ready. Mewelde Moore should slide effortlessly into the 3rd down back role, running screens and draws. Gary Russell and Cary Davis round out the backfield, and give the Steelers serviceable options should there be any injuries.

O-Line-

Wow. Gone are the days of all pro's like Alan Faneca and Jeff Hartings anchoring this once dominant line. Here now are the days of the question mark. Every member of this line has some questions swirling about him. Justin Hartwig is a relative unknown, but at least we know he isn't Sean Mahan, so he has that going for him. Chris Kemoeatu is unproven, as is Willie Colon. But if Colon should stumble, 9 million dollar man Max "Dibiase" Starks is ready to step in. Marvel Smith could still have a great year, but again, injury concerns could be his undoing. Kendall Simmons rounds out the starting group and is poised for an amazingly average year. Dark horse of the year is backup Darnel Stapleton, the coaching staff seems high on this kid (or PCP) and seem to think he has future starter written all over him. I guess i'll take their word for it, since the 2nd half of most preseason games found me not watching backup offensive linemen, but instead getting reacquainted with NES classics like Mega Man 2 and Bubble Bobble.

Overall-

This team is probably closer to going 4-12 than they are to going 12-4, but i dont think either will happen. They have a tough schedule, but they are talented enough to win a relatively weak division. 10-6 again, seems about right.

Pitt Loses to Team That Runs High School Offense/ Sucks

It's Obvious to anyone with at least one eye that Pitt is terrible. Punting twice at BGSU's 35 yardline was a pitiful display. Even worse, Wannstash decides to let twenty seconds or so at the end of the second quarter run off the clock and settle for a last second field goal instead of trying to actually throw the ball downfield and make an attempt to get 7. Sure you can make excuses other than the awful coaching as to why they lost the game (Shady fumbling, Stull sucking, Cavanaugh being the offensive coordinator), but its obvious to me that this coaching staff is definately the worst in the Big East, maybe all of D-1 football. Dave Wannstash and his minion Mr. Cavanaugh need to be fired immidiately. Where have you gone Walt Harris?

Alvarez/Boras backing out of deal.

Pirate fans should have seen this coming. Scott Boras is a world class asshole, but I think everyone knew that going into this. Hiring him as your agent is akin to screaming out to the baseball world "get ready for me, i'm a huge, problem causing asshole". Alvarez is just as guilty in this if he hired the guy, but obviously, the pirates need to make him look like the good guy. It seems like Boras/Alvarez have no real grounds in backing out of the contract, but with the way baseball and the Pirates operate sometimes, nothing would suprise me.